Mail Order Is Back With Trendy Shipping Fees

Unnecessarily Complex. Unreliable. We’ve created a monster.

Any time there’s a committee involved, things usually veer from the sexy path of common sense into the junkyard of overthinking.

I’ve come to the conclusion that at some point, there was a tipping point of people who believed that being on a committee was a status symbol, and that’s why we have so many.

Just like fashion, I’m learning that human habit comes full circle. Some of you may not remember, but businesses like Sears, Consumers Distributing and a myriad of niche fashion brands were the paper version of Amazon.

Leading up to Christmas holidays, mailboxes would be full of store catalogues. The most anticipated of which was the omnibus Sears Christmas catalogue. As a kid I poured over the pages to craft my letter to Santa. As a young, working, single-mother, I could enjoy browsing the catalogue ( no blue light to disturb my circadian rhythm) and appreciated the convenience of picking up Santa gifts from the catalogue counter on my lunch hour. Free shipping.

About three weeks ago it started…the daily delivery of a catalogue. Shockingly, one from Amazon (note, it didn’t include pricing, it just directed you to the website). There was one from a toy store, sports store, department store, and a cosmetics behemoth.

Surely there were committees involved to devolve and rebuild the very same shopping and delivery methods, but in more costly, complicated ways.

Instead of a Christmas catalogue, we now have multiple sources to shop from and shipping fees. Let us not forget pollution and traffic congestion because people insist on shipping their instant coffee and hairspray one item at a time.

Have you been to a grocery store, or maybe ordered groceries lately? When I was a kid, grocery stores offered shopping, pick up, and delivery services. You know how it was done? A phone call. There was no self-checkout. There was no having to pay for delivery and tipping the delivery driver.

I have used these services, especially when I’m sick, or, dare I say, when I’m working to pay the new-to-my-generation shipping, service and user fees that used to be an assumed part of acceptable service. Last month I had COVID and I was able to order my groceries. But you know what would have happened if we were a connected community? I would have called, placed my order, and likely had a thoughtful drop off with a kind note, or extra bottle of gingerale from the person at the store whom I had organically come to know from my routine shopping.

Don’t laugh kids, that’s how the world used to work. We were accountable to one another, and we were community.

Now we have multiple ways to shop and have delivery that disconnects us from our neighbours and I would argue our humanity. Yet, we cannot be saved from viruses. And these things sure as shit don’t support healthy social interactions, tolerance or learning to live as community.

If you remember TV bunny ears, or the round antennae dials that made an annoying noise, you are now officially excused from wearing pants that don’t have an elastic waistband. If you don’t have a clue what I’m talking about, just know that we used to be able to watch news, sports, local television and various other shows….free.

We have evolved from freely accessing a few channels, to paying for cable, to paying even more to access multiple streaming services.

Let me break that down for you…we went from free television and legislated journalistic standards to paying for deregulated bullshit. We have gone from paying one fee to access a variety of programming to paying for each type of programming.

And don’t blame this on the Millennials. They can’t afford it! It’s boomers and hipster Gen Xers. The poeple to blame are the ones who remember having to rent a Beta Player and the movies to go with it. I mean, come on, who wouldn’t have yearned for cable back in the day?

And now look at us…I can’t even watch Charlie Brown’s Great Pumpkin, the full range of MLB games, boxing or reliable news without signing up and handing over my personal information and my credit card number to Apple, or Disney, or Amazon…or, or, or, or…..

We are a culture who has unnecessarily complicated life in addition to making it way more expensive. See my recent piece on coffee makers and the downfall of humankind.

Cell phones & data plans: do I need to say more? Give me a landline that doesn’t leave me in a jam during a disaster any time, and you can keep your damn answering machine.

Signed,

The writer with multiple store accounts, a loaded data plan, cable, and streaming services up the wazoo, and a load of groceries freshly delivered to her doorstep.

PS – To everyone who is on a committee, it’s time to rethink everything.